I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
