I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
