somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
