remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
