I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
