I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
