the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
