Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize