I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
