Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
