We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
