When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
