tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
