allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
