so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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