does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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