this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
