he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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