bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
