I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
