Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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