Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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