It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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