Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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