every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
