I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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