Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm both gender and math confused
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