I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
