So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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