PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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