Buhtt sex?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize