I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
