nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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