If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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