Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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