I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
