Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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