I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
