Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
