from now on my penis is your penis
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
