I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize