bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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