She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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