i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
