I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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