I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize