1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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