Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
