never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
