it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize