Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is it penis luge time yet?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
