Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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