Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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