I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
