Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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