I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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