ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
