I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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