i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I still have a little drunk in my system
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
