we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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