I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
