i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
