You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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