I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
