i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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