we have officially lost it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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