So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
