It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm having to shit out rocks
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
