I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
