I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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