is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
