Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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