Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
