I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
