Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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