I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
