So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
