kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Farmville is her only friend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
