4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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