Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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