i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
