Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
