Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
