I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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