Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i came on her dog
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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