Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
