my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize