Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
