dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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