Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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