and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
