I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just wanna soil my oats bro
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize