you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
