They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
