i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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